We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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