haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
