I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
