Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How does it feel to date your dad?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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