Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
