I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
