dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
