I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
