I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
