Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
