Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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