anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So much rum. So many feels.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
