Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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