he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
