yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
