college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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