do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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