you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
