I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
