i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
