if i can run in heels then i can drive
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
