I want to make a zoo with you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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