Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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