someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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