if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
