Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
