Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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