What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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