I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
