My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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