does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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