i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The air taste purple.
Randomize
