There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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