I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I stole a fireplace last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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