i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need a beard to bite.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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