Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
