New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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