I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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