I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
