stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
