College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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