she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
