Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
