I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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