You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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