Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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