y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
