My first STD was from a foam party
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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