dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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