I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
