The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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