Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
