got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
