after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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