I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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